Hold it now, hit it

I thought since I hadn't written anything in a long time that today I would share my second most embarrassing story.

It was early May 1999, finals week at CMSU. I had just finished taking all of my finals and needed to sell my books back to the campus bookstore. It was unseasonably warm that day and I was a bit parched, so I bought a large lemonade to drink while waiting in line at the bookstore - big mistake. I misjudged the amount of time I'd be in line at the bookstore and about 20 minutes after drinking the lemonade, I needed to use the restroom badly. There were still at least 10 people ahead of me in line and the line was moving slowly. So I tried not to think about going to the restroom and just focused on other things. Well, I finally made it to the cashier, sold my books back and then immediately walked briskly to the nearest restroom.

Now I had been in college at CMSU for 3 years, I worked on campus, and since I grew up in Warrensburg I had been on the campus many times for school events, etc., so I thought I knew the layout of the public restrooms on campus. Most (I say most now, but at the time I thought it was all) restrooms on campus had the men's restroom on the right, and the women's on the left. So as I quickly made my way from the campus bookstore to the nearest restrooms, I went in the door on the right, not taking the time to look at the sign on the outside of the door. As I entered the restroom, I looked around frantically for the urinals, but I only saw rows of stalls (this should have been my first clue that I was in the wrong restroom). I thought maybe this was just an exceptionally large men's restroom and the urinals were around the corner, so I went to the nearest stall. As I'm standing in the stall, beginning to feel much better, I also notice that it smells unusually pleasant in this restroom compared to typical men's restrooms (the second clue that I had made a mistake). As I was thinking about the pleasant scent and the lack of urinals, I then realized that I was using the women's restroom. Luckily I was the only one in the restroom at the time, so I thought that if I just hurried and got out of there nobody but me would ever know about this mistake.

About the time that I realized the mistake I had made I heard the restroom door open and close, which meant I was no longer alone, and it was most likely a female (because what college-aged guy would go into a women's restroom). I stopped my flow mid-stream and turned around in the stall to face the door. I did this for two reasons: 1) so the girl who just came into the restroom wouldn't hear me using the restroom and realize that it was a guy, and 2) so if this girl saw my feet pointed towards the stall door instead of the toilet she wouldn't think someone was standing up in the stall using the restroom. At most she'd think that it was just a female athlete (because of the larger than average shoes in the stall). I then hoped that this girl didn't come to use the restroom because I wasn't sure I could hold it much longer, as you all know stopping mid-stream is rather difficult and I don't have the Kegel strength of females. I also didn't want to get caught in there and have people think I was some weirdo who likes to go into public restrooms and listen to women use the restroom, because I'm sure that's a hard thing to not have follow you for the rest of your life. Luckily for me the girl had just come in to wash her hands and check herself in the mirror. It seemed to take her quite a long time at the mirror, because I was starting to sweat profusely from holding the rest of the lemonade in. I stood there, staring at the stall door, just trying to not make a sound (I realized after this ordeal that I could've just sat down and finished and it would've sounded like a female, but I panicked and wasn't thinking clearly). Finally I heard the girl leave, so I turned around, finished, flushed and went to the door (I made the conscious decision to forego washing my hands, as to not tempt fate by spending more time than absolutely necessary in there). I thought I was in the clear; however, just as I was walking to the door, the door opened up I run right into a girl who is coming into the restroom. Now just imagine what this girl is thinking: she has just bumped into a red-faced, sweaty guy coming out of the women's restroom, and I'm sure she heard the toilet flushing in the background. I didn't know what to do. The best thing I could come up was this; I said "Don't worry, I work here." and walked off. I guess I was hoping she thought that a student employee had to go in and check on something, who knows.

Since that experience I've always checked the sign on the restroom before entering.


Song of the day: "You Can Call Me Al (DJ Rebel's Radio Mix)" by DJ Rebel & FTW. I'm a big Paul Simon fan (Graceland is one of the 3 albums I would take with me on a deserted island, should I have the resources on the island to play music) and I've been looking for a way to put some Paul Simon into a mix, but was having a hard time making it sound smooth. Viola - I was driving home from work late one night a few weeks ago and heard this song on the radio. I found it on the internet and now I'm set. BTW, if anyone is going to be in the KC Metro area the weekend of July 4th, let me know. I'm DJ'ing a house party on the Plaza that Saturday night and if everything comes together as planned it has the potential to be a really good night. More details to come.