In the last post I shared a story from my past about the first time I went to the movies with a girl. I shared that story in order to share this next story. If you haven’t read the previous post yet, I would encourage you to do so before continuing with this one because otherwise it’ll feel like reel 2 was spliced with reel 5 and you’ve missed 45 minutes of plot.
The “Batman girl” (I realize that if I would refer to her as “Batgirl” I would save a word, but we didn’t go see a Batgirl movie together, we saw Batman, so although it doesn’t read as well I’m choosing to call her “Batman girl” in order to preserve the integrity of my memory) and I were friends in middle school and drifted apart and were more like acquaintances in high school. We had concert choir and show choir together and talked to each other at social events, but she had a different group of friends than I did so we weren’t as close as we were as kids. I didn’t see her much at all after high school. I had heard from other Warrensburg townies that her sister had been down on her luck and had gotten into some trouble, and that this girl eventually followed suit and ended up in jail on drug-related charges. I didn’t really think much of it at the time because I was in college and doing my own thing (and I’m rather selfish; if it doesn’t concern me directly then I tend to lose interest quickly).
Fast forward a few years. It’s a random weekday in the summer of 2006 and I’m at work in downtown KC. I walk over to the McDonald’s to grab a quick lunch, and as I’m in waiting in line for my food I see a girl behind the counter that looks like someone I recognize. I thought that it might be either “Batman girl” or her older sister (they looked a lot a like – both very pretty). She didn’t see me, so I took my food and left. I sat at my desk for the rest of the day, wondering if it was her. I was preoccupied thinking about her while at home that evening as well. The next day I went back to McDonald’s, hoping that this girl (who might be someone I know) was working, and she was. This time she’s cleaning up the dining area; taking the empty trays back, changing the trash, etc. I thought to myself that I’ll just try to get a look at her nametag to see if it is “Batman girl” or her sister. So I try to casually look at her nametag from afar. It’s a good thing that I didn’t pursue international espionage as a career because after this girl finished refilling the ketchup packets at the napkin/condiment area, she comes up to me and says in an annoyed, confrontational tone “Why are you staring at me?” I quickly look at the nametag and IT was “Batman girl”. I say, ““Batman girl”, it’s me, Will from high school.” (I used her real name; I didn’t say “Batman girl”). She then remembers who I am and says, “Oh hi Will, I didn’t recognize you at all.” (Obviously the Batman movie experience didn’t leave the same lasting impression with her as it did with me). I could tell that she was a little embarrassed to have someone from her past see her working at McDonald’s in downtown Kansas City, but I didn’t care at all. I was just really happy to see her. We stood there for 5 minutes and caught up on each other’s lives. She had just gotten out of jail and was living in a halfway house, trying to get back on her feet. She was hoping to get out of the halfway house and get her daughter back (she had a daughter before she went to prison). She was now focused on turning her life around and working towards being able to be there for her daughter and becoming a part of her daughter’s life. I asked her if she was planning on attending our 10 year high-school reunion later that summer. She said that she wasn’t; she didn’t really want to see all of those people, considering what she’s been through recently (understood). We parted ways after I gave her my contact information and I went back to work and she went back to work. I couldn’t believe I had actually run into “Batman girl.” Although she had experienced some rough times, she was still the same; she had the same mannerisms and the same smile that I remembered.
After that encounter I couldn’t stop thinking about her and her situation. Working in downtown Kansas City I routinely see homeless people sleeping on heat grates and rummaging through trash cans for food and it doesn’t affect me at all. I see stories on the news and hear Jen’s stories from her work about drug addicts going to jail and I don’t give it a second thought. I guess it’s because I actually know this girl that it really stuck with me and bothered me. She’s not some random person who’s been addicted to drugs and spent time in prison; this was “Batman girl.” I couldn’t help but think that she and I were a lot alike growing up and we had basically the same childhood with the same opportunities. Of course there were a few variables in her life that were different than mine, but we both grew up in the same small town in middle-class families. She was a popular girl in school and had a lot of friends. She played sports on the same travelling teams that my wife had, and she and my wife grew up as friends and spent time together as well. She had a normal, suburban life; things like this shouldn’t happen to normal people, especially people that I know. I can’t really describe it, but I felt like that could have easily been me if just a few things had been different in my life. I also felt like that I needed to do something to help her out. Not out of guilt or anything like that, but because she was someone I knew and had grown up with. She was part of a memory from my childhood that to this day makes me smile. I’m sure this sounds egotistical, but people who have been a part of my life and people I care about deserve better than that. I can’t let someone like that go and not at least try to help out in some way. She was trying really hard to get her life back on track and I wanted to assist with that effort. I saw her a few more times and I was able to help her out with a few things. I wish I could’ve done more for her. She was able to get an admin assistant job downtown in an office and quit McDonald’s. She was later able to move out of the halfway house and move into the same town as her daughter, get married, and she eventually regained custody of her daughter. I’ve tried to stay in touch with her and check on how she’s doing. She’s doing well – she’s happy, she has her daughter and she’s starting a new chapter in her life.
Seeing “Batman girl” again and getting reacquainted with her as an adult really changed my thoughts on some things and helped to make me a better person. It bothers me now when I hear other Warrensburg townies speak about “Batman girl” and for them to be so judgmental of her situation and be so dismissive about it, like it’s a given that she’ll end up failing and they’re not surprised when she goes through bumps in her life. I guess it’s our society; drug-addiction is looked down upon and people tend to not be as compassionate towards those suffering from it. To me it’s somewhat of a double-standard; a girl can suffer from something like anorexia and people will have sympathy (“sympathy or empathy?”) for her and not look down upon her – she’s an angel who’s suffering from a disease and people have hope for her (please note: I think anorexia is a serious illness and I am not making light of it at all). A girl with a drug addiction, however, is thought to have chosen her lifestyle and she just needs to get her act together. Well, it’s just as easy for the girl to stop using drugs as it is for the anorexic girl to go put a dent in a buffet. I’m sorry to sound so preachy and I’ll get off of my soapbox now, but it really bothers me.
I’m sure there are some people who have legitimate reasons for not liking “Batman girl”, and I understand that. I have a short list of people from my youth who I do not care for and secretly take joy in hearing when their lives aren’t going well. But I have specific (albeit petty) reasons for not liking these people; it’s not just because I don’t agree with their life choices.
A note to all of the Warrensburg townies – the next time we’re all together, sharing stories and giving updates on friends, classmates, etc., please refrain from saying anything negative or judgmental about “Batman girl” (if you grew up in Warrensburg I’m sure by now you know who I’m referring to), at least while I’m participating in the conversation, out of respect to her and also to me. I will, in turn, refrain from saying anything negative or judgmental about anyone else we all may know. If you do insist on saying something, don’t be surprised if I go on a controlled rant about this subject and probably make it awkward and kill the conversation.
Song of the day: The Airborne Toxic Event’s “Sometime Around Midnight.” A song that describes perfectly what it feels like to unexpectedly run into someone from your past. After hearing this song for the first time I immediately downloaded it and listened to it 4 more times. I really like the fact that it doesn’t have a chorus at all, and that with each verse the song builds in intensity, adding an additional instrument and getting a little louder as the song progresses. Very moving.
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